Is your spouse cheating on you?

I realize this blog is "ramblings on cast iron" and not "ramblings on cheating spouses."

However, my recent life tragedy, which explains why I haven't posted much at all in the past few months, has prompted me to write an article as a public service to others out there.  

Here are some warning signs to look for, based on my recent experience, indicating that your spouse may be cheating on you:

1.  A close friendship with someone of the opposite sex, that excludes you.  There's nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex, but if your spouse is spending a lot of time with that friend, and not including you, that's a red flag.  For example, the day my husband went to a job fair with a female coworker; It's completely understandable that the wife would not accompany her husband to a job fair.  But several hours later, he had not returned, nor called.  So I called him, to find that he had gone out to lunch with her after the job fair, and now he was at the bowling alley with her.  Now, as his wife, why had I not been invited out to lunch with them?  And he KNOWS I like to bowl-- why didn't he think to invite me to go bowling with them?  Because he was having an affair, that's why.

2.  He buys an article of clothing that is out of character for him; It's a style or color that is not something he normally chooses.  For example, when my husband bought a new pair of running shoes.  He almost ALWAYS buys grey shoes with navy blue trim, but these shoes were fluorescent orange, pink and green.  Not only does he NEVER wear those colors, he's quick to criticize ME when I wear them!  His female friend had taken him shoe shopping, and she had picked out the shoes.

3.  Money missing is a dead giveaway.  Not only large ATM withdrawals, but purchases for which there is no merchandise (because he bought it for someone else).  For example, my husband spent $67 at a store, right after he lost his job; When I asked him what he bought, he said it was something for his female friend.  What was he doing buying stuff for another woman, when he just lost his job?  And how could SHE let him buy stuff for her, knowing that he had just lost his job?

4.  Which leads to the next sign:  He loses his job for no apparent reason.  He told me it was due to "budget cuts", but had that really been the case, they would not have immediately replaced him with another employee.  The real reason was, he had snuck off the job have sex with his female coworker.

5.  Unexplained online purchases, for which there is no merchandise.  Many adult dating sites charge a membership fee.  Do a search on the phone number and see what comes up. 

6.  He wants to kowtow to the wishes of this opposite sex friend, even at the detriment to the family.  For example, right before we had a counseling appointment one night, his friend called, wanting him to go to the gym with her.  He whined, "I don't know what to do!  She wants me to go with her!"  I said well, tell her you have an appointment, and you can't go!  I mean, seriously?  If 1.5 hours a week to save the marriage, is that much of an undue hardship and an extreme burden... 

7.  Which leads to another sign.  If you are in marriage counseling, and he walks out of every session whining about "having to go through this bullshit" and "It's not fair, wah wah", he's probably cheating.

8.  This opposite sex friend has a concern about a mole on his chest, and wants you to make a doctor's appointment for him.  Obviously at some point, she had seen him up close with his shirt off.

9.  He avoids your friends.  Most of the time, when I wanted to go out with my friends, he would either decline outright, or ask me to leave without him and he would join me later; Of course, he almost never did.  In one case, he had a ticket for a play that had cost $20; He showed two hours late.  I found out, he had been with his female coworker behind my back.  In another case, he purposely scheduled a get together barbecue at her house, on a night that he knew we had plans to meet with my group of friends.

10.  He surfs backpage.com; that's the local prostitute listings.  No, he is NOT "just looking at the pictures".  And if he's calling the numbers, he is NOT "just talking to them."  Nobody goes to the barbershop just to look at pictures or talk to the barber!

There are lots of other signs, and this list is not all inclusive.  This is just my personal experience; Looking back on the two months before I found out what was going on, those were the "red flags" shown to me.